on pigeons ::

�@�@if there's anything worse than a squirrel in this city it's a pigeon.. having lived in this shithole of a city for all my life I've developed a keen sense of wariness and paranoia each time I walk under the local elevated train tracks, scaffolding, overhangs on buildings and what not.. there's always that remote possibility that one of them evil birds is perched up there, just waiting to make my day.. plunging towards me from above like a German Stuka dive bomber, just itching to unload its black, white, gray, and even your occasional greenish yellow 'payload' on us unsuspecting normal folks.. and as if that weren't bad enough.. there's them crazy old folks with the bags of bread crumbs whose sole purpose in life seems to be the further propagation of this problem.. there's just no stopping them.. you've got your black pigeons, white pigeons, black and white pigeons, gray pigeons, one-legged hopping pigeons, one-eyed pigeons, the so dumb they fly into people and get run over by car pigeons, and the so fat they can't even fly pigeons.. come to think about it, TMNT probably would've been better if there was a 'Pigeon King' instead of a 'Rat King', more birds than rodents if you ask me, but I'm not holding a census anytime soon.. can barely find an undefecated park bench anymore.. it's a sign.. pigeons are marking their territory and slowly amassing their numbers.. could be a government project to develop a new super-breed of killer pigeons gone awry and all, not that big of a stretch from carrier pigeons.. just get them to carry a small NCB device around instead.. it's perfectly feasible but of course they won't admit to it.. the day'll come.. you'll see.. god save us all..
posted by Jeff at 4:10 PM