non-sensu


Sunday, March 09, 2003
dream 030903: in the middle of six-laned street (including two for parking) under a gray cloudy sky.. and it's a face off between Richard Dean Anderson (you know the guy from MacGyver and Stargate SG-1, wearing a regular pair of denim jeans and a neon green shirt with his name printed in bold on it) and some black dude (wearing a neon pink shirt, forget what his name is but it's printed there also) with a crowd of onlookers at the side staring at the two of them, and at the giant anvil suspended in mid-air by a giant pinkish rubber-band that stretches down from the heavens (can't see what's holding the rubber-band up on the other end though).. and Richard Dean Anderson goes first and climbs onto the giant anvil, getting himself ready as a strong wind starts to blow sending the giant anvil swinging like a pendulum.. where the whole point apparently is to see who can 'ride' the anvil the longest before falling off.. and of course after awhile the giant anvil starts spinning and swinging like crazy.. slamming into parked cars, buildings, telephone wires, etc.. and everyone else just stands there dumb-founded enjoying the whole spectacle..



Saturday, March 08, 2003
so a lot of things have been happening in the small closed world around me, and it's got me thinking myself too.. dunno.. just been running out of that emotional fuel to write anything good with lately.. but I can feel something stirring deep in that twisted heart of mine.. nostalgia, pathos, anxiety, that's basically the real me in a nutshell I guess.. dunno, maybe love could play a role in it too someday, but that's a bit too far off for me to worry about right now (and yes, I've been called a romantic quite a few times).. just don't see myself living that long (nothing past middle-age for sure, maybe 30 for me, yeah.. that's it).. I probably wouldn't feel that much if I could just stop thinking all the time.. so I guess that's a good thing.. but on the other hand it's also complicated my life a lot.. probably why Soseki, Picasso, and all them other types suffered from mental illness.. dunno about me, I never considered myself artistic though.. so here I am writing about nothing in particular.. listening to my favorite DC Talk song "Between You and Me" (yes, I know it's a Christian music group now).. though it never really struck me when I started listening to it back in HS.. just never made the connection to religion and all even though I actually paid a lot of attention to the lyrics more than usual.. it's just one of those songs I can listen to on repeat for hours at a time.. can't say too many songs do that for me but I can listen to the ones that do all day long.. a couple of years back I probably would've been firm to my belief that I'm agnostic and all.. I'd probably still say that if asked today.. but there's that small seed of doubt growing within me somewhere, that maybe I could be wrong or so.. but I'm not going to worry about that too much now.. so what exactly am I trying to say now.. dunno.. but I'll come up with something special soon.. can't let all that I'm feeling go to waste now can I?



Thursday, March 06, 2003
on pigeons ::

�@�@if there's anything worse than a squirrel in this city it's a pigeon.. having lived in this shithole of a city for all my life I've developed a keen sense of wariness and paranoia each time I walk under the local elevated train tracks, scaffolding, overhangs on buildings and what not.. there's always that remote possibility that one of them evil birds is perched up there, just waiting to make my day.. plunging towards me from above like a German Stuka dive bomber, just itching to unload its black, white, gray, and even your occasional greenish yellow 'payload' on us unsuspecting normal folks.. and as if that weren't bad enough.. there's them crazy old folks with the bags of bread crumbs whose sole purpose in life seems to be the further propagation of this problem.. there's just no stopping them.. you've got your black pigeons, white pigeons, black and white pigeons, gray pigeons, one-legged hopping pigeons, one-eyed pigeons, the so dumb they fly into people and get run over by car pigeons, and the so fat they can't even fly pigeons.. come to think about it, TMNT probably would've been better if there was a 'Pigeon King' instead of a 'Rat King', more birds than rodents if you ask me, but I'm not holding a census anytime soon.. can barely find an undefecated park bench anymore.. it's a sign.. pigeons are marking their territory and slowly amassing their numbers.. could be a government project to develop a new super-breed of killer pigeons gone awry and all, not that big of a stretch from carrier pigeons.. just get them to carry a small NCB device around instead.. it's perfectly feasible but of course they won't admit to it.. the day'll come.. you'll see.. god save us all..



Sunday, March 02, 2003
�Ì‚©‚ç�@�@�@�@�@�@�@�@�@mukashi kara
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–ß‚Á‚Ä‚¢‚é�@�@�@�@�@�@�@modotte iru
•—‚̈¤•�‚Æ�@�@�@�@�@�@�@kaze no aibu to
•t‚«�‡‚¢‚È‚ª‚ç�@�@�@�@�@tsukiainagara

�΂¢‚»‚¤‚É�@�@�@�@�@�@�@waraisou ni
�°‚ꂽ‹ó‚Ì•û‚Ö�@�@�@�@�@hareta sora no hou he
’­‚߂邯�@�@�@�@�@�@�@�@nagameru to
ˆê�l‚Å‚¢‚é‚Ì�@�@�@�@�@�@hitori de iru no
‰Âˆ¤‚»‚¤‚ȉ_‚à�@�@�@�@�@kawaisou na kumo mo



so I finally caved late last night and on impulse went ahead and bought another $50 worth of asian literature books from amazon.. just several anthologies of short stories by Yukio Mishima, Naoya Shiga, Yasunari Kawabata, and Osamu Dazai.. whether or not I'll ever get around to reading them is another matter altogether, but for now they'll do fine in filling up all the empty spaces of my life, just like the rest of my dvds.. come to think about it I've only read about 65% or so of the ~80 'asian' books on these dusty shelves, haven't even opened or flipped through the pages of some of them yet, but it's always good to know that they're there whenever you feel the need to turn back to something familiar.. personally I don't keep too many personal mementos or photo albums of the sort to remind me of the past (cameras do steal your soul after all), but nothing beats the sense of nostalgia you get from some of these authors.. Soseki's still the one that does it for me probably, though I am finding the modern Chinese revolutionary authors like Lu Xun and Shen Tsungwen rather appealing now as well, Beat Takeshi for the movies, and probably Joe Hisaishi, Kenji Kawai, Yoko Kanno, and Taku Iwasaki for the music.. yeah, quite a few there but they all have their subtleties.. I bet there's just as many weirdos out there playing the air violin as there are air guitarists in the world, but that's just me.. maybe I'll even try my hand at the Japanese reed flute or zither one of these days.. nice simple instrument but you can do quite a bit with it.. so let's see.. 4 books on Japanese art & architecture, 5 books on Japanese grammar, 6 books worth of Kanji dictionaries, 2 books on Japanese linguistics, 5 books on Japanese history, 5 books of Japanese plays and poetry, 25 books of Japanese fiction, 10 volumes of assorted manga, 5 books of Chinese classics, 80~ dvd vcd vhs worth of anime, 10 on Japanese cinema or so, 15 on Chinese and Korean cinema, and a nice clothbound Cambridge copy of the King James version of the Holy Bible which just seems out of place on that shelf right next to Confucius' Analects, but dunno.. God could be asian after all.. but let's not get into that.. and all the way on the bottom of the bookshelf where there's the most dust rests 15 or so oversized books on programming, computing, and the sort.. something which I've pretty much given up all hope on awhile back.. but they're good for show I guess.. I'm sure all that stuff's still sitting in the back of my mind somewhere, pointers, queues, factories, flyweights and what not.. but course those books are way too sterile to read for enjoyment anyway.. it probably would've been better had I started off my college career as an east asian studies major, but of course like every other misguided HS youth at the time I was undoubtedly over-concerned with my future and finding a job and so forth, which ironically is the dilemna I face now.. but life's short and I'll just take it a step at time.. better to enjoy the present as much as you can rather than worry about the future I guess.. but then again that's not a luxury everyone has.. but life sucks anyway so there's not much you can do really.. so I guess we're all screwed either way.. and then there's so many other things you have to worry about and so forth.. but.. well, I could keep arguing this in my head which probably is how I occupy most of my days, but in the end of course I'll just end up where I started again, and the process will just start all over the next day and so on and so forth.. really must stop thinking so much.. but that's just the way I am.. now if I could just find that off switch..



dream 030203: idling away in a correctional rehabilitation facility for the deaf and mute people, for what crime I remember not.. also managed to reinvent the ordinary television remote into some sort of zap gun in the prison workshop.. with which I use to kill my way through to the prison infirmary until I finally manage to confront the evil prison dentist for what reason I do not know..